Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
