i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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