so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize