KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
