some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
