guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
