All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
