I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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