It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
