I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
