PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
