I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
