When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
