I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
