i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
