Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I see more hoeing in ur future
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
