Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
