I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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