i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
