and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
