I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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