I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
