I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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