Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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