i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
