I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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