im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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