there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
