every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
