So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
