Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize