I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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