happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
