My friends, they love my intelligence
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
