i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
