mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
