i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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