alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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