next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
