yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
