Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
