I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he shaved USA in his pubs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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