from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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