Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
