Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
