In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
