Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have fence marks all over my body
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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