before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
