Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
