I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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