I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
