This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
