i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
