STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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