my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
