Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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