please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize