I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
