Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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