I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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