it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
