Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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