Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize