So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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