I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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