Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
