I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
