she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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